My new vehicle of choice is pretty impressive.  It’s a helicopter, and I am an amazing pilot.  “But, Elizabeth,” you ask, “How can you be a pilot so soon?   Did you have all the years of appropriate training?”  As if.  I need nothing of the sort.

And this baby can do amazing things.  It’s up.  It’s down.  It’s around.  It’s through.

In the spirit of complete disclosure, it also has blinking lights.  And it’s 4 inches tall.

What it lacks in magnitude it makes up for complexity.  This damn thing is SO HARD to drive.  My outlook on this issue is not improved by the fact that Helicopter (the boy) and Cricket are nearly as good as I am.  I assume that real helicopters MUST be easier as there are active helicopter pilots NOT on medication to counteract the insanity.  I have no clinical data, but I am assuming this to be so.

But, for all its intricacy and the associated frustration, this little guy has a lot to teach.  About control.  About how delicately it must be done.  How sometimes even your best efforts can just send the damn thing spinning wildly out of control.

In fact, everywhere I have looked this week, it has been about control.  Or lack thereof.  And this week has been a testament to that fact.

Nothing this week has been easy.  Nothing has been certifiably BAD, just very VERY annoying.  Did I mention annoying?

The helicopter, for example. For the love.  We were at a random mall trying to buy a suit for a lovely guy who is graduating from law school in Haiti.  Of course, we found nothing that would work.  But WHILE we were at this random mall, we bought a remote control boat.  Get home, try it out.  It works once.  Then nothing.  Totally busted.

So, the next day, we RETURN to this annoying mall to deal with its failure.   Instead, we get the helicopter.

We get it home.  It doesn’t work.  At all.  Ever.  In no way.  So, the next day, I take the thing back, and the kid gets it working.  YAY!!  We get it home.  Helicopter (the boy) flies it for 35 seconds.  The top rotor falls off.

Back to the store I go.  Are you irritated yet just reading this never ending helicopter saga?  I am annoyed just having to type it.  Finally, after 4 visits, we have a functioning remote controlled something.

Keep in mind that also in this mix this weekend are a boat that stalled out and trapped Vin and Helicopter (the boy) for an hour and half on the water.  An incident which required me to con some random guy into going to rescue them.

Also on the agenda is losing my very expensive and very important blood sugar sensor for an entire day.  Spending the entire day plotting about how I will get to replace it.  And then finding it at the bottom of my purse.

Throughout all of this first world suffering (and 75 trips to the worst mall ever), I have learned.   (Hopefully I have learned the WHOLE lesson, and this series of clinics will end.  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me have learned all that there is!!)

Here it is.  Even when I am annoyed, even in dark clouds, I can’t control it.  I can’t make the helicopter work.  I can’t make the boat engine work.  I can make almost nothing work.  But I can remain calm.  I can provide light in the dark situation.  As the helicopter is crashing down, I can put on my mask.  I can make sure I can help those around me get theirs on.

There is such peace in that knowledge.  When there is nothing to do be done, you can just make jokes.  You can tickle the kid next to you.  You can try to figure out how to get a tiny helicopter NOT to crash into the fan or the ground once it is finally working.  The lack of responsibility over all the details, allowing grace to come in, lets you have time for all the fun stuff.  And it’s way better.

I adore you.