have you ever been in a restaurant or a store and you notice that one customer that is REALLY upset?   the one whose voice is getting LOUDER and LOUDER, and you can tell this is all going to blow up at any second. part of you wants to wander off, but another part, like the drama fly i am, wants to stay ONE MORE SECOND to see what happens.  and then the manager walks over.  one starts thinking, “this is when it hits the fan.”  but it doesn’t.  instead of meeting volume with volume and energy with energy, the manager goes a different way.  he says “tell me why you are upset.”  and he listens.  and since it would be completely ridiculous to be yelling at someone who is patiently listening, the person calms down.  and he communicates his complaint.  the situation is completely deflated because one person stopped and listened.

this scene has repeated itself at my house.  tanting toddler seems completely inconsolable.  there is shrieking.  there is gnashing of teeth.   but, if i have the patience to just sit down and listen, sometimes that is all it takes.   i am left holding only a deflated balloon and an wilted threenager.

this week, these thoughts have taken on a new meaning for me.  in all these scenes in baltimore, i am hoping leadership, and each of us, model our behavior on the good store manager.  that instead of meeting energy with energy and volume with volume we just stand and say “we are LISTENING.”  because even though we may not agree with all the details, every person has a right to be heard.   especially if no one has been listening for too long.

i am hoping we all find a way to say “please tell me why you are upset.”  and we listen with open hearts.  then start to brainstorm meaningful solutions.   i wrote recently about how i wanted to know what love and light, the only things that can conquer darkness and hate, would do in the micheal brown situation.  and this week, i think listening is the important first step.   not hearing, defensively answering and talking a lot, but serious listening.  (if you know me, you know this is going to be difficult.  not talking is not my strong suit!)

and listening doesn’t mean you AGREE.  i only means that you think the person is important enough to be HEARD.

i adore you.

(ADDITIONAL NOTE:  there seem to be such conflicting news about all that is happening in baltimore.  for each tale of uncontrolled violence, there is a tale of citizens behaving beautifully as part of a wonderful community.  i am deciding to focus on this…things that are good, honest, and of a good report.   i want to think of this image.

and this one.

i want to know that despite having decades of reasons to be angry, many people are being kind.  and they deserve a lot of listening ears.  especially mine.)