So, budgets.  I suck at them.  Totally and in all ways.  And, in my life, it seems the EVERYTHING is budgeted.  Calories, money, time.  It all is limited and requires thinking about how best to use it.   And while I understand how they work, I think I have a hard time conforming to their mission. For example, in my life, a specialty cocktail is the best use of both dollars and calories (and time) when compared with, say, carrots and humus.  Actually, compared to a good number of things, a specialty cocktail takes it every time.  But I understand that when you have a limited commodity, it is wise to budget it.

But here is somewhere I have never thought of budgeting (and I am married to an accountant…so this is a thing):  my energy.

But, first, let me introduce you to Fishy, the newest heartbeat added to our brood:

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One of the things you will notice about Fishy, he is a good looker.  For a mean, cheap fish, this guy is really handsome.  (If he is, in fact, a boy.  Who is to know such things.)  Probably the LAST thing you will notice about Fishy, but the reason I introduce him to you, is his two TINY FINS doing all the work.  Look VERY VERY closely at the video and you MIGHT see them.  They are not up front.  They are not a MAJOR part of Fishy’s fishness.

Here is this crazy fish with these totally decadent fins and the two TINY and almost see-through fins are doing all the good work here.  They are keeping him afloat; they are getting him to the food.   All that flash and only these tiny little guys are the only thing affecting any real activity.  All the rest…just fluff.  (I realize they probably have some sort of evolutionary purpose, but just go with me here.)

Nice fish, you say.  Your point?  Right.  Totally getting there.

I began to compare Fishy’s body with my life.  I began to wonder, as I watched Fishy’s tiny fins propel him through the water, how much of the energy I expended was for things that totally didn’t matter.  How much of the energy I expend is spent on totally useless, flashy fins.

Because I spend a LOT of time thinking about things that don’t affect anyone.  Does it matter that the hem of my daughter’s Easter dress isn’t EXACTLY in line?  No.  Did anyone even notice?  No.  Did I spend a LOT of time thinking about this?  Sadly, YES.

It gets worse.  Did I spend ANY TIME thinking about how to bless the people around me on Easter?  How to make sure that people felt grace and love on Easter?  Did I think about sharing some of my blessings with those less blessed?   Mmmmaaaayyyybbeeee.  But those energies are most comparable to the minuscule, see-through fins.  Whereas the time I spent pondering whether it was easier to buy pre-packaged eggs or to buy the empty ones and fill them with candy was probably reaching the HOURS.  World changing stuff I am working on, people.

So, now I am thinking about how to change that.  How to make it so that the things that I actually WANT TO DO are the ways that I use my energy.  How to ensure that the energy I expend is actually adding up to the outcomes that I want.  Energy, after all, for a working mother is my most precious resource (after possibly specialty cocktails.)  I am sure the same is true for you.

To this end, I have decided to budget.  Crazy, I know, considering my past inefficiencies in this area.  However, I feel it’s important.  To treat this resource as the precious commodity that it is.

To begin, I am going to try to identify the places where I am actually USING my energy.   I want to know where I am putting my energy so that I can identify the venti Starbucks of energy sucking.  (Doesn’t it seem like every budgeting article EVER hates the Starbucks?  It’s interesting.  Starbucks should create some sort of budgeting app just to undo all the negativity.)

I have a few immediate candidates.  Worrying about how I look at Saturday morning soccer is topping the list.  It’s Saturday morning.  I am an adult watching very small children play soccer.  Plus, typically, my conversation is delightful. Do I really care that my unwashed hair (which it will always be) is less stylish than other people’s unwashed hair?  And yet, I do.

I also want to identify areas that are being neglected.  Areas that could use some resources pushed their direction, the emergency saving accounts of the budgeting world.  For example, if I spent less time worrying if I was as cute as the other mom at soccer, maybe I would have some energy left over to really ask her how she was.  And pour grace out to her when she answered.  (I know that seems totally impossible for someone who ever wrote this blog.)

Maybe I would have energy AFTER soccer to be super understanding when my children became unhinged because I didn’t waste it all on whether the snacks that we were providing were acceptable.  Whether I should have chosen GOLDFISH instead of TEDDY GRAHAMS.  Because, seriously, these are the things that make or break an event.  The TYPE of junky carb provided.  Right.  So maybe I should push some of the resources spent on THAT important measure over to managing whether my kids are becoming kind and humble sporters.  Just a thought.

So, as I build my list of what I WANT to spend energy on, I am going to try to identify places that I want to get the most of this precious commodity.  Because a lot of the things on my list, much like my beach house savings, are not getting prioritized.  Here is the start of my list:

1. Creating children that are kind and good citizens.  Forming in them a love of serving.
2. Giving grace to any and all who needed it.
3. Being a good steward of the resources I have been allocated (money, body, etc.)
4. Loving my husband.
5. Making the lives of those who are suffering better.  All the time.
6. Creating the definitive list of really delicious, non-pineapple-juice containing, specialty cocktails.

It may not be great, but it’s a start.

Do you have places in which you have blown your energy budget?  Are you finding all your hard work put to good use?  Or are you, like me and Fishy, really allocating quite a bit of resources and flesh to silly endeavors?

Let’s start to budget together.  Even IF the word makes me weak with fear.  Onward we go!!

I adore you.