So, budgets.  I suck at them.  Totally and in all ways.  And, in my life, it seems the EVERYTHING is budgeted.  Calories, money, time.  It all is limited and requires thinking about how best to use it.   And while I understand how they work, I think I have a hard time conforming to their mission. For example, in my life, a specialty cocktail is the best use of both dollars and calories (and time) when compared with, say, carrots and humus.  Actually, compared to a good number of things, a specialty cocktail takes it every time.  But I understand that when you have a limited commodity, it is wise to budget it.

But here is somewhere I have never thought of budgeting (and I am married to an accountant…so this is a thing):  my energy.

But, first, let me introduce you to Fishy, the newest heartbeat added to our brood:

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One of the things you will notice about Fishy, he is a good looker.  For a mean, cheap fish, this guy is really handsome.  (If he is, in fact, a boy.  Who is to know such things.)  Probably the LAST thing you will notice about Fishy, but the reason I introduce him to you, is his two TINY FINS doing all the work.  Look VERY VERY closely at the video and you MIGHT see them.  They are not up front.  They are not a MAJOR part of Fishy’s fishness.

Here is this crazy fish with these totally decadent fins and the two TINY and almost see-through fins are doing all the good work here.  They are keeping him afloat; they are getting him to the food.   All that flash and only these tiny little guys are the only thing affecting any real activity.  All the rest…just fluff.  (I realize they probably have some sort of evolutionary purpose, but just go with me here.)

Nice fish, you say.  Your point?  Right.  Totally getting there.

I began to compare Fishy’s body with my life.  I began to wonder, as I watched Fishy’s tiny fins propel him through the water, how much of the energy I expended was for things that totally didn’t matter.  How much of the energy I expend is spent on totally useless, flashy fins.

Because I spend a LOT of time thinking about things that don’t affect anyone.  Does it matter that the hem of my daughter’s Easter dress isn’t EXACTLY in line?  No.  Did anyone even notice?  No.  Did I spend a LOT of time thinking about this?  Sadly, YES.

It gets worse.  Did I spend ANY TIME thinking about how to bless the people around me on Easter?  How to make sure that people felt grace and love on Easter?  Did I think about sharing some of my blessings with those less blessed?   Mmmmaaaayyyybbeeee.  But those energies are most comparable to the minuscule, see-through fins.  Whereas the time I spent pondering whether it was easier to buy pre-packaged eggs or to buy the empty ones and fill them with candy was probably reaching the HOURS.  World changing stuff I am working on, people.

So, now I am thinking about how to change that.  How to make it so that the things that I actually WANT TO DO are the ways that I use my energy.  How to ensure that the energy I expend is actually adding up to the outcomes that I want.  Energy, after all, for a working mother is my most precious resource (after possibly specialty cocktails.)  I am sure the same is true for you.

To this end, I have decided to budget.  Crazy, I know, considering my past inefficiencies in this area.  However, I feel it’s important.  To treat this resource as the precious commodity that it is.

To begin, I am going to try to identify the places where I am actually USING my energy.   I want to know where I am putting my energy so that I can identify the venti Starbucks of energy sucking.  (Doesn’t it seem like every budgeting article EVER hates the Starbucks?  It’s interesting.  Starbucks should create some sort of budgeting app just to undo all the negativity.)

I have a few immediate candidates.  Worrying about how I look at Saturday morning soccer is topping the list.  It’s Saturday morning.  I am an adult watching very small children play soccer.  Plus, typically, my conversation is delightful. Do I really care that my unwashed hair (which it will always be) is less stylish than other people’s unwashed hair?  And yet, I do.

I also want to identify areas that are being neglected.  Areas that could use some resources pushed their direction, the emergency saving accounts of the budgeting world.  For example, if I spent less time worrying if I was as cute as the other mom at soccer, maybe I would have some energy left over to really ask her how she was.  And pour grace out to her when she answered.  (I know that seems totally impossible for someone who ever wrote this blog.)

Maybe I would have energy AFTER soccer to be super understanding when my children became unhinged because I didn’t waste it all on whether the snacks that we were providing were acceptable.  Whether I should have chosen GOLDFISH instead of TEDDY GRAHAMS.  Because, seriously, these are the things that make or break an event.  The TYPE of junky carb provided.  Right.  So maybe I should push some of the resources spent on THAT important measure over to managing whether my kids are becoming kind and humble sporters.  Just a thought.

So, as I build my list of what I WANT to spend energy on, I am going to try to identify places that I want to get the most of this precious commodity.  Because a lot of the things on my list, much like my beach house savings, are not getting prioritized.  Here is the start of my list:

1. Creating children that are kind and good citizens.  Forming in them a love of serving.
2. Giving grace to any and all who needed it.
3. Being a good steward of the resources I have been allocated (money, body, etc.)
4. Loving my husband.
5. Making the lives of those who are suffering better.  All the time.
6. Creating the definitive list of really delicious, non-pineapple-juice containing, specialty cocktails.

It may not be great, but it’s a start.

Do you have places in which you have blown your energy budget?  Are you finding all your hard work put to good use?  Or are you, like me and Fishy, really allocating quite a bit of resources and flesh to silly endeavors?

Let’s start to budget together.  Even IF the word makes me weak with fear.  Onward we go!!

I adore you.

this week, i am doing something new.  i have a guest blogger!  woo hooo!!  christina newcomb is a good friend of mine, and she had something to say. so i am loaning her my place to say things.   she and i agree on much and agree to disagree on some.  i tried not to edit beyond basic formatting, so here are her thoughts as she wrote them!!  i will give you the insight that the spark for much of this thinking began when she with the below picture posted to facebook (which i also posted), and people she knew responded.  i love you guys.

I often Christians state that they “hate the sin, but love the sinner” and I wonder about how this statement is acted out in real life. How can you show someone that you hate their sin, but love them. If we believe “…righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe….for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”(Romans 3:22a, 23), then how can we say we hate sin and love the sinner, when someone, who has not yet put their faith in Christ, is still defined by, and a slave to that very sin?

The bible instructions when it comes to pointing out other peoples sin only applies to other Christians.  Hebrews 3:13 tells us that “…we must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,” so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God” (Hebrews 3:13). But when it comes to non-believers, Paul says “What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside.” (1 Cor 5:12)

Romans 1 lists so many sins, that it is almost dizzying how sinful we are as a people, and as we read it, we often see the sins of unbelievers on there, and we start to feel like judging them is justified.  However, if we continue reading and just slide right into the 2nd chapter (just as it was meant to be read), we are immediately brought back to the reality of our own sin: “You may think you can condemn such people, but you are just as bad, and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked and should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you who judge others do these very same things. And we know that God, in his justice, will punish anyone who does such things. Since you judge others for doing these things, why do you think you can avoid God’s judgment when you do the same things? Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?”

One translation says “Don’t you see that it is God’s loving Kindness that leads you to repentance?”  Imagine what God’s loving kindness is for you. What it has looked like in your life as He has turned you from your sin, time and time again.  Daily. Moment by moment. Lovingly.

To become a Christian, a person has to first come to the realization that they are a sinner, which is in fact the hardest part for all of my non-Christian friends.  How many times, when we share our faith do we hear the words “but I’m a good person.” It’s so difficult to accept that you are a sinner, because “All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed” John 3:20  That is why this loving kindness of God is so important.

Do you think non-believers, specifically homosexuals, encounter God’s loving kindness when they encounter a Christian?

Gays not only have to realize they are sinners like they rest of us, but they also have to overcome the “Christian” people standing in front of them blocking their way.

When the Pharisees saw Jesus eating at Matthew, the tax collector’s house, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with such scum?”  When Jesus heard this, he said, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do.” Then he added, “Now go and learn the meaning of this Scripture: ‘I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices.’ For I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.” (Matthew 9:11)

I want to remind all of us that we were all sick when we enter the hospital of faith.  Matthew was sick.  But then he encountered Christ on the road, and was given an infusion of life giving blood. Not outside on the front steps, to be made well before entering, but inside, in a bed, with a merciful doctor.  “God showed His great love for him by sending Christ to die for him while he was still a sinner” (Rom 5:8)

And “you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Luke10:27  Why is it that many Christians don’t see gays as their “neighbor?”

The bakers who refused to make a gay couple a cake, make cakes every day for people who have “lives…full of every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy, murder, quarreling, deception, malicious behavior, and people who “are” gossipers….backstabbers, haters of God, insolent, proud, and boastful…and people who disobey their parents.” (Romans1:29) But they have decided that it is “against their religion” to serve someone who is marrying someone of the same sex.

When Christians say something is “against our religion,” what are we saying?  What is “religion”? Jesus said ‘These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are merely human rules. You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to human traditions.” (Mark 7:6b-8)  The definition of religion is “an organized system of beliefs, ceremonies, and rules used to worship a god or a group of gods.”  Religion by its very definition is holding onto mere human rules, and not fervently looking to what Christ said and did.

Jesus says “I entered this world to render judgment—to give sight to the blind and to show those who think they see that they are blind.” Some Pharisees who were standing nearby heard him and asked, “Are you saying we’re blind?” and Jesus replied “If you were blind, you wouldn’t be guilty, but you remain guilty because you claim you can see.” (John9:39)

I don’t want to be blind.  I don’t want to blindly be told to treat people a certain way because it is my religion.  What I know, is that “God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.” (John3:17) and that I am God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for me to do.” (Eph 2:10)

God makes no distinction between sin and sinner.  We are all detestable in His sight because on our best day, “all of our righteous acts are as filthy rags before the LORD.” (Isaiah 64:6) But our hope lies in “..having now been justified by Christ’s blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him.” (Romans 5:9)

So, what then is Jesus’ stance towards sin and sinners?  He covers it.  He covers every last bit of it, for those who believe.  He bore it and was broken by it.   His blood is the only thing that saves sinful people from God’s wrath.

Can we please stop using “our religion” to stand between people whose only hope is Jesus? People. who are just like we once were….lost.

If you can’t, then do like your mom says, “If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.” And let “God’s loving kindness turn them to repentance” just like He did for you.

so, today i am officially hitting the reset button.  the last few months have been totally growing months in SO MANY places.  i feel like i have been learning so much about grace and control and having more joy.  in other areas, i have totally gone off the rails.  (isn’t it amazing how often the very good and the very bad coincide?)

so, in order to get this engine back to chug-chug-chugging, i am picking today as the day i started moving in a different direction.  the day i started heading north.  it’s the day i start just doing what i need to do.  i am officially a nike slogan.  (despite my love for under armour, the “protect this house” just didn’t work quite as well!)   i tell helicopter every day as he leaves for school to make the right decisions even when it’s hard, and i am ready to do it too.  even when it’s REALLY hard.  luckily for me, there won’t be a corresponding color system as there is with him.

and i haven’t abandoned grace.  accepting grace as i journey will definitely be necessary to stay on the rails.  it will be critical to fall off the horse and get right back on.

who’s with me?  if you want, you could even tell us in the comment in what area you are going to change directions.  mine is health.  i am going to be kind to the one body that God gave me.  i am going to take care of it, water it, and make it sure it’s getting its recommended medicine.  i only have the one, so i should make sure the engine remains purring.   what about you?

i adore you people.