Uncategorized

from inside to out….

i have so loved moving pebbles these few days.  but as i have read back, i am realizing that the only person really affected by the stones i have carried so far is me.  which isn’t a huge surprise.  i definitely love taking care of number one!

BUT i have decided that this journey needs more moving stones for OTHER PEOPLE.  allegedly, i am someone who serves other people.  but so far, my 31 days of doing small things doesn’t seem to be very OUTWARD facing.

so, on day six, i thought i should turn my eyes toward them.  the problem with this plan is that the first place is stopped on this day was walmart.  every single person there seemed to be the MOST annoying person humanly imaginable.  every. single.  person.  the guy who parked but then left his door open and blocked the only close space.  the 750 people in line at the moneygram counter who didn’t seem to understand how moneygram worked or that usually when you are going somewhere to get money you should likely bring your identification.  also annoying?  the people in the walmart corporation who ensure that the t-shirt sizes in no way relate to actual sizing systems.  even the annoying automated voice at the self checkout who seems unable to feel anything i put in the bag and then demands that i do what i have already done.

why couldn't this guy be at my walmart? i LOVE him. (copied from peopleofwalmart.com)

why couldn’t this guy be at my walmart? i LOVE him. (copied from peopleofwalmart.com)

none of these people made me want to move even a pebble for them.  they made me want to continue to buy eyes lips & face items as therapy.  and silly owls sweaters.  the retail therapy could have been worse but there was really NOTHING i wanted there.

but i made a deal to do a small thing EVERY day for thirty one.   but it was hard to find one that i was willing to do.

so, here’s what i did.  i decided that i needed to STOP thinking terrible things about people.  i needed to stop immediately making the worst assumptions about everyone and try to see what might be happening to them.  maybe those people in front of me really DON’T know how moneygram works.  maybe they have not been at amscot at 9 pm on a friday night so do not have the scars to show that i have.  (to note:  sending money through ANY money transfer company is the most annoying thing ever.  western union used to refuse to send money for non-profit projects to an employee to whom i spoke many times a week “for your own protection.”)  maybe the guy with the door really didn’t think of it.  maybe he didn’t realize how few spots there were.

and it was good.  even throughout the day, when cricket would freak out, i would imagine being five and not knowing how i would know when it was my turn at ice skating.  especially if you love to follow the rules.  it would be unnerving.  would i be sob worthy?  not at 38 thankfully, but maybe it would be.  maybe it was worth just a comforting rather than a sharp word.

so, it was a worthy pebble.  and it even let me see a little more beauty.  see how cute the little ones are.  see the smile on the moneygram person’s face when i was pleasant rather than short.  so, while serving others, number one was not left out.  moving the pebble from one place in my head to another was well worth the effort.

i adore you.

a tiny bit of sand…

so,on day five, i had my eyes PEELED for a pebble to move.  then, i got to work.  and it went nutto.  it ALL went nutto.  every bit of it.  we posted the house on craigslist and people went BONKERS.  then, the friend who i am visiting this weekend (WOO HOO!) and i figured out that my other friend is actually coming in a day earlier.  which is good.  but we had tickets to a black tie thing and we only had TWO.  panic ensued.

after that situation resolved (for the BEST!  bring on the BLACK TIE!  bring on the VINTAGE GEAR!), i went to show cricket’s old teacher our rental house and sweep.  30 minutes.  tops.  people literally streamed through the doors until i finally just ran away at 5 with the children in tow.

throughout this all, i was thinking “i haven’t done anything small.  nothing small has been done!”   i couldn’t be nicer to my children or something.  i was being nice to other people.  (actually, the children were being delightful and i was reasonably nice to them.  i even got them yogurt!)  i seriously could not think of a thing.

at the end of the day, after consulting a friend of a friend, after sorting through all the rental emails, after discussing lease terms, i FINALLY found a small thing to do.   let myself off the hook.   so i did.  i decided that it was good enough.

you know what? it was GREAT.  i went to sleep super peaceful.  it may have been a tiny TINY pebble…the size of a piece of sand.  but even moving sand is a good thing!  i’ll take it on a day like that.

for day six, i am going a different way.  check it out tomorrow!

i adore you!

maybe riding the bench ain’t so bad…

the bench, as it relates to sports, has a terrible reputation.  people get sent there for sucking.  people get sent there when they are tired.  people never get off it because they just don’t have what it takes.  but maybe this reputation is undeserved.  maybe the bench isn’t the worst place on earth.  in fact, if you are on my fantasy team, you actually perform best when on the bench.  so, for day four, the pebble was unexpected.  it was a tiny thing, but the amazing thing was the ripples it was created:  i got benched (it was self-inflicted).

so, we recently bought a house to rent.  we have been fixing and fretting and dolling it up so that someone will hope to live in it and pay us to do so.  so, sunday, after a long and GLORIOUS wedding the night before, saint vincent decided he was going to do some things to the rental house.  lure renters in with new door stops and toilet flappers.

usually in these situations, either the kids stay with me or i go with them.  once the kids want to go, i go.  just to be sure that all goes well.  but this time, the kids wanted to go with their dad and i stayed home.  i moved from the middle of the parenting game to the bench.

now, it wasn’t like i had pulled out the whole line up.  their dad, a PARENT of them, was going to go with them.  he has exactly 50% of this game, too, so i wasn’t doing something revolutionary.  actually, i was doing something pretty every day.  i pebbled.

but here’s what happened while i was on the parenting bench.  left alone, i did the following:  two loads of laundry from beginning to end, changed the sheets, wrote a blog, designedg the invitation for the halloween party we are about to host, designed and sent an evite for said party, read the book for my meeting AND followed up on a work project.   stuff that left undone would have made me NUTSO. i literally SHREDDED my to-do list.  i loved it on the bench.

even when i showed up at the rental house and a tooth had been knocked out by a sister on a brother (it happened.  i kid you not.) i was STILL glad i had ridden the bench.  the tooth still would have gotten knocked out.  i just would have had to deal with the immediate blow back.  st. vincent had gotten tons of things done and the kids were happy and amused (even down a tooth.)

so, later in the day, i decided to try this technique again.  was it just an one-timer?  was it vincent jackson getting 20? a one time miracle. or was it rob gronkowski getting 20?  something i could count on.   my sister wanted to go to see our rental house (clearly this house is a constant theme) but i had to get to a meeting.  so i didn’t go.  i thought about going.  how could her eyes see the home without me there to narrarate?  but, i let st. vincent and the kids take her.

i went to the meeting. on the way to my meeting, i actually had time to go to kinkos to cut the invitations and laminate the kids’ fake driver’s licenses.  (don’t judge.  if i am STILL making them fake IDs when they are 16, then judge.)  there was literally NOTHING LEFT on the list.

and here is why this is key.  maybe, despite my protestations to the contrary, i am not necessary in every situation all the time.  maybe my voice isn’t ALWAYS needed.  crazy.  could it be?  i think it could be crazy good.

if you need me, i’ll be on the bench.

i adore you!