so, yesterday, i spent a long time weeding.  and by “a long time”, i am talking about more than three minutes.  maybe even seven.  so during this seemingly endless weeding session, i started to really think about all these plants that i was pulling up by the root.  some of them were REALLY pretty.  in fact, i actually have a painting of a dandelion in my house so to be yanking out its comrades seemed a bit hypocritical.  AND, based solely on information gathered from the hunger games books, i think you can eat dandelions…pretty and USEFUL!  (note to me:  ask an actual expert prior to trying any plants referenced in the hunger games.  to be careful, however, avoid nightlock of any variety.  if it really exists.)

in addition to prettiness, these plants are HEARTY!  i don’t know the last time you were in the yard weeding, but some of these gals are committed.  they are DETERMINED to be there.  and they grow like 10 inches a minute.  they are seriously dedicated to viability.  our entire yard is a collection of these hearty creatures which we mow down to look like grass, a less hearty but more desired relative.

so, i sat there, in the face of this prettiness and this viability, wondering who determines which are weeds and which are desirable plants.   because if some of the plants that are considered “good” ones were people, i wouldn’t want to be friends.  the rose, for example.  pretty…but MEAN!   and picky.  these thorn covered beauties only grow in places of their choosing and only with a lot of attention.   totally sounds like a real housewife of somewhere.   no thank you.

or even grass.  so FRAGILE.  can’t be too hot.  can’t be too wet.  can’t be too dry.  can’t get too long.  can’t survive any number of bugs.   are you kidding me?  you know that guy.  the one who will only eat in italian restaurants on sunny days whose names don’t begun with the letter “d”.  who has time for THAT?!    why can’t the ones that grow easily and everywhere be the good ones?  who made this decision?  i can see how on a golf course it could be more desirable to have flat grass, but what if one is NOT on the links?

this, of course, got me thinking about all the other things divided into “weeds” and “roses”.   because we assign values to nearly everything…people, things, foods, on and on and on.   right down to the lowly purses we carry.  where do we GET all these values?  for example, why is louis vuitton so sought after?  the purses are, for the most part, ugly.  actually, i was at a party with a guy whose partner worked for mr. vuitton, and we both admitted that NEITHER OF US think they are attractive (although he assures me that some of the menswear is better.)  and louie pays half this guy’s RENT!   even stranger is that we spoke about it in hushed voices as if speaking about the unworthiness of the pope.  so who determined that these were the “orchids” of the accessories world?   who determined that they were worth hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars and the charming handbags on etsy were only worth 40 bucks?

i have no conclusions today.  no insights into the world of botany or accessories.  no insight into the larger meaning of all this assigning of value.  but i am wondering.  and sometimes wondering is all it takes!

i am going to talk about my thoughts on an issue of the day.  gay marriage.  marriage equality.  marriage.  call it what you like, but stick with me now just for a minute.

so, clearly, as everyone else in the developed world, i have been thinking about this a lot.   seemingly caught as i am between two warring camps, my adorable gay friends whose happiness i want to secure and my delightful Christian friends who want God to be served very truly and feel he can’t be served in a country where gay marriage is allowed, i felt like i needed to outline to myself where i fell and why i fell there.  what did i believe?  on what truth did i base these beliefs?  what did the bible say?  how did this mold my thinking?  how did this affect those i love?  etc.

clearly, i want to support marriage equality and all that it means for my lovely friends who can not currently enjoy the benefits marriage provides.  but was i betraying God in this pursuit?

then, in the middle of all this thinking, i had another MIND BLOWING thought.   a thought to end all thoughts, as it were.  it doesn’t matter about whether homosexuality is morally acceptable.  that is not the question that is being asked.

“what?” you say.  “we are being asked what is right and what is wrong.”  and yes, we are.  but what i realized is that we don’t legislate MORALITY.  we legislate CIVILITY.  and right now, we are being asked about LEGISLATION.  so we aren’t being asked what is MORAL but rather what is CIVIL.

i can see your puzzled faces.  i see them.  you are saying, “but murder is illegal.  and immoral.”  and you are right.  there are certainly places where morality and legality (civility for my purposes) intersect.  murder is a good example of that.  but, there are also examples where there is absolutely no crossover.

here is an example on both sides:  1.  UNCIVIL BUT NOT IMMORAL.  playing loud music late at night is illegal.  however, i would argue quite heartily that playing loud music at any hour is not immoral.  sometimes it is even awesome!  but, as a society, we have decided it is uncivil.  therefore, you can get a ticket for it.  2.  IMMORAL BUT NOT UNCIVIL.  lying to your wife about an affair is not illegal.  yet i would argue quite stringently that it is immoral.  however, we have determined as a society that our civilization can proceed even if people are allowed to have affairs and lie about them.  (note to husband:  YOUR civilization cannot proceed with these offenses.  just saying.)

so, to make the judgement completely on the CIVILITY of the question, i am a “yes” for marriage. i think additional couples in formalized relationships in which people commit to the care and betterment of the other are a positive change for our civilization.  not to mention more homes for unwanted children.  and more homes for rescue pets!!  (clearly, this not the only benefit of marriage but still a good one!)

so back to morality.  i don’t know.  not because i don’t think there isn’t a truth about this, but lazy me hasn’t pursued it.  at all.  i don’t really need to know.  i have so many other issues about my relationship with God and my life that i need to spend my time determining that this one just falls down to the bottom of the list.  plus, as it wouldn’t affect my decision on this issue or on the way i treat my friends, i just have chosen to focus on other things.

instead, i will commit myself to challenging any one who this affects to meeting and communicating with God about it.  because He knows whether it is an issue, like getting a tattoo, that can be justified by the cultural boundaries of the day but is no longer applicable (as some would argue) or a larger issue (as others would argue).   He loves all of us, thankfully, just as we are and He will tell us the truth!   fortunately for most of us, he has NOT told elizabeth all the truth and, in this one area, she shall admit her limitations!   (can you imagine the uppity, know-it-all i would be if He HAD given me all truth? oh, to dream of it!)

i would encourage others to do the same.  for those i love who believe homosexuality is not moral, i challenge you to encourage people to talk to God about it.  and pray for me (and others) that God will reveal to me more truth. or those who believe it is absolutely moral, you talk to God too!   you can pray for me (and others) that God will reveal to me more truth.   the closer we all get to the author of truth, the more our lives will be defined by it.

know that i adore you!

on friday, a new era starts.  the era of time alone.  it’s so strange.

as background, i have two preschoolers (aged 3 & 4).  since the first one was born nearly five years ago, i have logged only TWO occasions in which i have been alone in my house for more than an hour.   maybe three.   and both times i was desperately sick.  so the relaxation factor was certainly NOT at a premium.

that is not to say that i haven’t been alone.  i certainly have been.  but i have been AWAY & alone rather than home alone.  like out to dinner alone.  or shopping alone.  or visiting another city alone.   never just sitting alone in my house.  but now one day a week for six hours each day my children will be at preschool and i will have no where else to be.  i will be working three OTHER days leaving friday mornings completely unscheduled.

it’s odd how unconventional this alone time feels.  what shall i do?  the suppressed introvert in me wants not to move and to simply lie there and read as the hours pass by.   lay there and attempt to grow moss.  actual moss.  it could happen.  we live it florida; it’s VERY moist!!  the overachiever wants me to recover everything not bolted to the floor and sew myself (and potentially others) a fashionable new wardrobe.  or do yoga while planning out my next 10,000 health meals.   or sew while eating celery in a pigeon pose.

both people, the overachiever AND the suppressed introvert, are having an overwhelming (and completely misplaced) desire to compare myself to nelson mandela.  i mean there must be SOME common ground between being imprisoned for decades by a racist government and being held captive by terrorists who demand cups to be filled constantly and don’t use the potty.   let’s be fair…i don’t think my liberation will change the social and political course of a country.  at least not in the first few weeks.  but it’s still so exciting!  daunting!  exhilarating!

we shall see what shall become of these open hours.  for the time being, though, i am embracing a new theme song.  dredged from the genre my sister and i refer to as “bad 80’s christian”, it suits the mood perfectly.*  i plan to sing it without reserve while i spin around in my empty house.  to celebrate, i leave you with this gem (not nearly as good as the album version) which you too can add to your current song list.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a42OCpZ7NXk

* “bad 80’s christian,” despite the name, is my favorite music genre.  it includes all the classic christian music to which my family grew up listening.   it includes mylon lefevre, whiteheart, the altar boys, etc.  just to name a few!