if you are not from tampa, you might not get it.  i am not FROM tampa, but in my years here i have become aware of it.  the legend of lee roy selmon.  from the years of mediocrity and badness perpetuated by the old school creamsicle buccaneers, he emerged as one of the few bright shining stars.  sure, there were others.  but they did not get a highway named after them.    a super efficient toll-road no less.

for our purposes, we are not focused on lee roy’s football prowess but rather one of the things that people remembered about lee roy selmon after he died.  many remembered that he always told people that he wanted them to know not WHO he was but WHOSE he was.

yesterday, i told a friend that i would buy a plane ticket for her.  (she is actually a blog reader…hello, friend!)  the reason she needed my help is very complicated and involves the difficulty of processing any transaction WHATSOEVER from Haiti.   but, i didn’t do it before i went to tumbling because i didn’t have her kids’ passport numbers.  add in a trip to tumbling, two preschoolers, a massive migraine and next thing i know i am waking up in a PANIC at 2:30 in the morning because i have forgotten.  i had forgotten and now i lost her held reservation and her held price.  i had just the one thing to do, and it was epic failure.  i SHOT out of bed (waking long-suffering st. vincent) and began to try to fix it.

a number of things had to collude to produce this failure.  my cell phone died.  the cord that goes into my charger was in the office.  there was a massive headache and corresponding medication.  at 2:30 am, when i was realizing that the seats were now $200 more and i couldn’t get my credit card to work and pay for them, it seemed like a laundry list of ways that i had totally fumbled this one.

when i got back into bed (still without a completed ticket purchase despite an above-average amount of time on the computer and a call to the reservations center), i just couldn’t get over it.  what a complete mess i had made.  how many things that had to be out of line in order for this to happen.   the thought that if i just hadn’t overlooked ONE of the elements it could have been avoided.  if ONLY i had charged my cell phone.  if ONLY i had brought the charger out.  if ONLY i had written it on my hand as a reminder.  if ONLY.  finally, with no energy left, i just said, “i am turning this over to jesus.  i am casting my cares on him.”  i remembered that it doesn’t matter if i am complete failure.  i am still a child of the King.  it doesn’t matter if my cakes NEVER rise or my soufflés ALWAYS fall*.  i belong to Him.   i am not defined by WHO i am but WHOSE i am.

this morning, when i woke, my call to the stupid airline made clear that my transaction had still not gone through.  but, as i was waiting to hear why and how to fix it, my sweet friend called to tell me that she had realized that i was a complete failure and had actually found a BETTER, CHEAPER reservation.  she called just in time for me to buy that one instead.  and my charge went through to the tune of even $100 cheaper than the one she had found.  because of my failure, she got a better flight for $500 cheaper.  and the truth was clear.  the one to whom i belong had been in charge all along.

so, i think lee roy had it right.   in addition to his ability to COMPLETELY sport the orange, this wonder knew an important lesson about your place in the world.  already loved.  already beautiful.  already important.  all the rest, even a hall-of-fame football career, is just IN ADDITION.

so, here is the challenge:  where in your life do you need to remember WHOSE you are?  where do you need to stop struggling and pulling and just remember that you are loved?  even if you aren’t a God person, love surrounds you…i know.  people who love you just as you are.  where have you forgotten that?  at the very least, i adore you.  (i especially adore you if you follow my blog!)  so, REMEMBER YOU ARE LOVED!

*i have never ever made a soufflé.  but it worked as an image.  so i go on record as a total faker and not a soufflé baker.   i also realize that i switched from football to food metaphors.  it must have been the image of creamsicles in my mind.  such are the writings of the completely random!!

I am standing at the edge of a fiery furnace. Helicopter, after much prayer and thought, has NOT hit lotto on ANY of his kindergarten options.  So like Abednego, I stand with the question “Will I believe that God is for us even if it doesn’t look as I think it should?” Will I believe even if Helicopter goes to his terrible neighborhood school?  Will God’s grace be enough even there?  And, somewhere, I know it will be.  But my heart is caught in my throat.  My fears are all present.  But I know that even if he goes to the furnace that God has promised that He has a plan for him.  A plan to prosper and not to harm him.  THAT is God’s truth.  And like Abednego, in this tough moment, that is all there is.   So on I walk.  Toward the fiery furnace of Broward Elementary with Helicopter’s hand in mine knowing that God keeps His promises.  That Helicopter won’t even smell of smoke.  That our minds will be blown.  But even if not, that God is still with us all the time.  And if He is for us, who can be against us?

So I am pondering a question.  Not a super important one but one that I has me bewildered.  When is it ACCEPTANCE and when is it QUITTING?

Here is why I am thinking about it.  In the Elizabethan period in which I am currently dwelling, evolution has been at a prime.  I am reminded each day to try less to be a good Christian and instead to be more like Jesus.  I am encouraged that good things reside in me.  Inspired by a super good book, I am having tough chats that need to be had.  I am doing more things on purpose.  It’s a crazy time here in Hustopia.

But as I feel myself turning toward the sun and spreading out my petals, I notice that some battles are unchanged.  Some parts of myself that I would remodel remain handyman specials.  These are not parts of myself that affect my service or my loving others or anything mission critical.  Just parts that would be more to my liking if they were a bit improved.  The refrigerator works…it is just still in an olive green shade.

So here is the question:  at what point do you just say “this is the way I am”?  Do you?  Or is that quitting?

Theoretically, I am anti-quitting good things.  I support quitting bad things (smoking, being mean, wearing midriff tops), but where the good is concerned I usually think you should stick with it. Despite the fact that my poker motto is “Winners fold,” I generally support finishing what you start.

I can actually only remember one time in my life when I totally QUIT something.  Graduate school in DC.  I had only one semester under my belt.  I didn’t like the assignments.  The program didn’t exactly fit my career plan.  I traveled so much for work that I could barely keep up.  Then, one night, my friend Julie, the only friend I made in this program, asked while I complained, “Are you going to quit?” It was like a door opened really far away and I could JUST see the light.

I was empowered by the question.  I could QUIT this program I totally despised.  I could do something different.  Just the thought was like a brand new Coke Zero cracked open just for me!  (Coke Zero wasn’t actually invented yet but it is the most apt comparison.  Plus, we are talking about quitting so Coke Zero is clearly on my mind.) So I did.  I quit.  And it was the right thing.  Eventually I got my graduate degree at a better time and in a better for me program.

So should I see what other battles I continue to fight just because I started fighting them?  I am going to think about this for a while.  Think about what I spend energy doing just because I don’t want to be a quitter.

According to Kenny Rogers, one needs to know only a few things: when to hold them, when to fold them, when to walk away, when to run.  Maybe its time, at least on some fronts, to learn this lesson.  Give myself some grace and save some energy for better fights.

Thoughts?  Do winners NEVER quit?  Is it wise to save your energy for the fights worth fighting?  Or am I just making excuses for leaving the field of battle?