what i REALLY need to know before sending my kid on a sleepover….

so, cricket had her first sleep over a few weeks ago.  it was with her best friend at school and we quickly reciprocated hosting the same friend at our house.  the mother of the friend is the homeroom mom, so i know her from a stream of emails throughout the year.   but as we were emailing to set up the details, i realized all the things that you want to know before you send your kid over.  i was discussing this with my friend kelly, and she and i were bemoaning this long list of questions you want to shoot over via email.  then she had a GENIUS idea: a questionnaire.  then, as she said, you could just reply, “hmmm…i didn’t like your answer to 2b.  no dice.”

i am telling you…GENIUS.   so i went ahead and designed one.  before putting into use, i will likely need to get kelly to add some quality design elements.  but here goes.

feel free to use adapt this to your own purposes.  which i am sure you will want to do.  since clearly you will NOT see this as the ravings of a crazy person but rather the work of genius that it truly is.  i am even going to use caps to indicate the formality of this procedure.

SLEEPOVER QUESTIONNAIRE

This is to be completed prior to having a sleepover with a Child Rich-e-rich.  The Family Rich-e-rich thanks you for your full honesty.  The details contained herein will be kept completely confidential (allowing for Elizabeth totally forgetting this part and telling someone by accident.   So there’s that.)

PROPERTY

  1. Do you have working smoke alarms?
  2. Is there lead paint?
    1. Is there any reason that my child would want to lick, eat, or consume any of this paint?
  3. Do you have guns?
    1. Are they properly stored?  (Definition:  Properly stored means that my very curious, determined and creative child will not be able to find it and/or figure any of the system out.  Seriously.  And, please do not tell me that you have “explained the danger” to your child because I explain things all the livelong day and both of my children still do UNIMAGINABLE things.  Most of them too gross to mention.)

PETS

Do you have any pets?  If so, please answer the following:

  1. Do you have a dog?
    1. Would you describe him as “aggressive”?
    2. Would you describe the animal as “red zone”?
    3. Has the animal ever received remedial dog training of any kind?
    4. Has the animal ever foamed at the mouth?
  2. Do you have a reptile?
    1. Are any of the constricting variety?
    2. Is it an alligator?
    3. Are any large enough to eat my child?
      1. How well fed is the animal?  Is it looking for a juicy little snack?
    4. Do any have any fangs/poison of any kind?  (I do not refer to the EMOTIONAL kind, which clearly my children have already developed some tolerance, but physical fangs and poison.)
  3. Do you have an exotic pet?
    1. If small, could my child kill it?  (Clearly, this would only result from a “Of Mice and Men” Lenny kind of incident.)
      1. If it is killed, would you expect me to replace the animal?
      2. How much does the animal cost?
    2. If large, could it kill my child?
      1. Does it get angry when confronted by loud sounds, annoying repetition or endless questions that all essentially ask for the same bit of information?

PEOPLE

Please answer considering all persons who may come into contact with my child at your house and/or at any scheduled activities in which my child may play a role.  Please include in your answer any persons who have started/finished/gotten trapped in puberty.

  1. Are any of these people registered sex offenders?
  2. Are any of these people someone you would consider “creepy”?
  3. Have any of these people ever been described by any person, at any time, as “creepy”?
  4. Will any of these people, at any time, engage in poor behavior that i will then have to explain to my child?
    1. Is this person cool enough that my kid, despite my explanation, will want to continue to model this behavior?

PROGRAMMING

Please answer these questions about the activities in which you imagine my child will participate while a guest at your home.

  1. Would you consider any of these activities dangerous?
    1. Does the possibility exist that I will have to come get my child EARLY as a result of an emergency room visit?  If not, please continue to the next section.
  2. Will any of these activities (please include movies watched and television viewed) give my child ongoing nightmares requiring me to awaken for many nights on end?
  3. Will any of these activities require explanation later (Please see People, 4, Part A)?
  4. Will my child return home exhausted so that I will only have to set him/her in front of the tv the following day until he or she goes to bed?  (This is a bonus points question.)

Team Rich-e-rich fully supports many animated shows, movies, sugary snacks and fast food.  Because if you can’t do THAT at a sleepover, what is the point?!

Thank you for your honest answers.  A representative from Team Rich-e-rich will be in touch shortly.

any i forgot?

i know this is mostly silly (as it was intended to be), but i am completely thinking about all that i want to know.

i know that MANY parents just eschew the sleep over, but i had SUCH FUN as a kid (i’m looking at you, melanie dawn!)  it seems a shame not to do them.

here’s to hoping my questionnaire is the answer!

i adore you!

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