hello, sweet readers.  in week of spring break plus one, i have not been at my most productive. imagine that.  but i am committed to consistency.  and this week, i have something literally burning a hole in my pocket.

my friend heather, this week, was relaying to me the sad story of a friend of hers.  the friend has been married for more than ten years and has two children.   things had been muddy in the relationship for a while, so the two people decided to separate.  they decided to take a half time.  drink some gatorade, wipe off the blood and get a new game plan.  at least that was how she saw it with her heart full of hope.  the boy part of this equation was less committed to this self-assessment but he hadn’t yet taken off his jersey.

THEN.  (why must there always be a “then”?)  then heather’s friend found out something which, to her, meant that this was truly the end.  the buzzer had sounded.  listening to the story, my heart broke.  knowing how the woman must have felt as she realized that hope was now, if not completely dead, “mostly dead.”  (because if he is all dead, the only thing you can do is go through his clothes and look for loose change.)

as i thought about her, i started to get really fussy with someone who would trade this great girl for something so silly.   something silly like the attention of another or the lack of responsibility.  my heart was literally breaking for this wife and mother who had to deal with someone who is most likely a great kid who has just lost his way.  but the destruction of losing his way was just overwhelming to me.

but even then, i realized there must be grace for him.  one would think that someone who is willing to extend grace to the killers of christians would have no trouble with a stupid boy.  one would think.  however, one might be SLIGHTLY incorrect. after much thought, i decided that there is likely grace enough even for him.  probably.   the thought left a bit of a yucky taste in my mouth, though.  it made me a little bit fussy that someone who had run roughshod over someone’s feelings, whatever his reasons, could deserve grace too.  (clearly, during these thoughts i was not thinking about me or my inadequacies at all.  because then i would get it.)

but then i thought about the things that grace does NOT mean.  things that are not necessarily included in extending grace.  certainly, grace includes forgiving this person.  (i shall be referring to him as “this person” for the duration of the blog.  best i could come up with, considering the circumstances.)   grace means that when this person wants to change, God will meet him there.  and maybe even his wife will come.

what grace is NOT up for, though, is to continue to allow someone to cause mayhem.  grace does not mean that she should stay in a situation in which she and her children are losing.  grace, in fact, will put them all in a place where they can take a deep breath and find peace.  because without this separation, more and more of the shards are going to get broken. they will get harder and harder to glue back together. but as this lovely girl extends grace to herself and to him, she will get to a place of recovery.  she can get back to the locker room.

and that is a really cool realization.   i realized that grace does not mean being WEAK (which i always kind of knew), but allows you to be the strongest.   extending grace, both by not hating him and by setting up a situation in which they are all safe, lets you get to the good place first.  

it is, in fact, the short line at the DMV.  and it doesn’t leave the good people holding the bag while the bad people get to roll over them.  in fact, it is the quickest way to whip out the super glue and put these lives back together. maybe not the “they” but certainly the each.

with grace, everybody wins.  ESPECIALLY the one allowing it to work the most completely.  which means that this pretty lady has good times ahead for sure.

and it encourages me that grace is NOT up for weakening and compromising.  grace is not up for making us targets.  grace is here to make us stronger and better.  and that made me as happy as a little kid whose batman piggy bank has just been glued back together. still sad for heather’s friend. but hopeful about repair for her.

have you ever seen that to be true?  have you ever been in a situation in which giving grace to someone else helped you?  helped super glue a situation right up for the best of everyone?  i would love to hear them in the comments!