i have noticed something different about my thinking lately. in fact, this new way of thinking represents a seismic shift from how i have always thought. and the weird part is that i don’t know when the change happened. when the earthquake struck. it must have been a really small one.  but the change is dramatic.

here is of what i speak. i have always thought (although hopefully did not SAY a lot) that i wanted to do BIG things. things of which people would take note. WHAT things i would do was more of a grey area, but the size of them would be startling. possibilities include things like writing a novel which would become a best seller. star in a reality show. write bible studies that Beth Moore would complete in her spare time. run a multi-million dollar organization that helped gillions of people and led to many Today show appearances for me to talk about the plight of the less fortunate. just reasonable things like that.

clearly, i have made almost NO effort on any of these fronts. so, not only would i do big things but i would accomplish them almost by accident. this effortless achievement and impact would make me SO relate-able that Oprah would have to have me on. “how did you DO it all?” she would ask. “i have NO IDEA!” i would reply conspiratorially.

so, as i approach 40, i am realizing that it is likely that nothing BIG is in my future. Oprah doesn’t even still have a show. but that is not the seismic shift. that is just reality. the seismic shift is different.

this week, i was facebook stalking a sorority sister of mine. (i totally confess to being a facebook stalker.  but if you put stuff up, you need to expect someone to read it!  anyway…)  she was only really someone i knew in college tangentially, but i got interested in her because my reunion is looming. (it’s in TWO WEEKS!  egad!) i was thinking about faces of the past. this gal has really done big things. she has already started two multi-million dollar companies. she sold one when she was under 30. looking at her, one is FORCED to wonder “what the HELL have i been doing with my time?”

then i realized. (this is the seismic shift part). i don’t want to do BIG things.  i don’t want to write a novel or win the Nobel prize or be on the Today show.  i don’t want what goes along with those things good or bad. i don’t want publicity, i don’t want a ton of money, i don’t want all that responsibility to be a good leader. i want none of it.  instead,  i want to do small things.

now, don’t misread. i don’t want to do NOTHING. i want to do small, often-unnoticed things. i want to pray for those in need of divine intervention. in my car. when i am all alone. i want to encourage one friend with an email or a text message. i want to be the one who is cleaning up the tables after the really good speaker talks. i do NOT want to be the homeroom mom (i have been one for TWO YEARS and i SUCK!) but i want to be jobs like that in which you push forward the class in a mostly-unseen way.  i even thought about whether blogging was contrary to my small-things desire. but i think God wants me to say certain things.  so i will.

if you know me AT ALL, this is probably sounding strange. it sounds strange even to me. but i think that true love and true grace are found in the small things. peace is found there. love, grace and peace are not found there just for me but for other people.  oddly, this is truly what my heart WANTS.

and small things ABOUND.  they are everywhere waiting to be done.   you don’t get to do just one of them or TWO of them if you are my super impressive sorority sister. you can do LOTS of them.  there is always a child to whom you could be kind.  just one little one who could use a smiling face or a room in your house. a single mother to whom you could offer your help.  one mom whose children you could take long enough for her to find her sanity. you could do some EVERY SINGLE DAY and still have time for an after dinner cocktail.  now that’s what i’m talking about!!

now for you, i want you to do big things.  i want you to be world changers and idea makers and status quo shakers.  i want you to move huge boulders and bring down the walls that separate.   i want you on my television and in my news feed and all over everywhere.  and i want to love you from here.  moving my one small stone at a time.  hopefully being content with the stone moving since there will be much fewer stickers over here.   less gold stars and fewer grey dots.  and i am hoping to be just fine with that.  (if i come running over to you begging you to say something nice or notice something, remind me of this blog!)  i am hoping that one day i have moved so many small stones that they are nearly as big as a boulder.

i also leave you with a challenge.  while you are on your way to moving big boulders and tearing down high walls, why don’t you move a couple of small stones, too?  maybe you will see me there.  maybe you and i can chat as we move pebbles from one pile to another.   we can discuss important things like what your children are wearing for Easter and how much candy can one allow without qualifying as worst-parent-ever.  it will be fabulous.  if it’s after 5, i’ll even make you an after dinner cocktail in the spirit of small things. i can’t wait!